theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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