Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize