I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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