brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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