The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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