I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
