Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
