I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
