sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
