It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
