I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
