I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
