u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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