I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
