I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
