I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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