But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
