I feel great
I just peed on a car
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
