I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
