My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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