you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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