I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize