Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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