That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Watching her eat just hurts me
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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