he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
