in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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