You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
