this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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