I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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