i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm too high and old for this...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
