She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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