Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
