he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Randomize
