Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
