he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I think your dad took our porno
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
