Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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