Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
