Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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