Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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