happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
