So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
