in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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