Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
