Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
