Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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