No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
