It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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