the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
