My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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