Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
