When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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