Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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