I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
