dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
