Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
