we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
