U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
