So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
