at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
