I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
