By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
ttyl tear gas
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
