so explain again why im purple
no
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
