He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
