i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
