first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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