that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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