Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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