it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
