She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
