i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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