So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
