guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
only you would photoshop your dick
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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