theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize