grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
