i always forget guys have bellybuttons
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
