I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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