Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
how drunk are you?
Several
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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