On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
