he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Let the clothes fall where they may.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
