his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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