he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize