So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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