she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
