got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
